I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
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the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
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Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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