$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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