Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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