NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
