the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
