Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
