I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
