I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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