it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
