I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
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He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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