i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
