SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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