Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
