I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
