You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
