I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
