You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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