Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
