omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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