i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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