why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
