I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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