Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
