remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
