You made me cry and you don't even care
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
