apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We need a shit load of segways right now
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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