Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
