I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
