doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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