Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
