I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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