Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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