Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
worst night to have a conscience
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
