Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
