Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The feeling are messing with the penis
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
