found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
