I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just high enough for therapy.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
