I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
