Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
