dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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