I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
