Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
