i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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