I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
