Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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