Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
