Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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