i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
