I think my vagina is haunted
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
