I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
