I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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