you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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