how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
