She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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