Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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