all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
