I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
