I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
