Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
