i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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