hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
