you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
