nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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