what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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