Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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