Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
