Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
