it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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