i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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