He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
