I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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