Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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