when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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