So drunk its hurt
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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