Banned from zoo.
Again?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
