You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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