I'm jealous of your bromance
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
