Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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