Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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