if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
