i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
