my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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