Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
