He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
