Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
