So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
