we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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