theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
