I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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