Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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