i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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