I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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