he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
