All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
